Friends

I miss you, I love you, I want you to stay.

why do people have to question me when i know i am right and then look to make me look stupid?? i do not understand yuong women who pretend they know every fact out there while they don't know shit and it makes my skin crawl. grow the fuck up and look it up.

the end.

Dear (insert name here),

I really don't know why I bother with you anymore. So I'm not. Every time you speak, I mostly ignore you because I am sick of hearing your voice yelling at me, complaining to me or yelling to our parents. Your attitude towards everyone and everything is ugly. You have no regard towards feelings and you use every advantage to hurt everyone around you. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! No-one can stand to be around you. Your voice is full of so much hate and spite that I dread whenever you are home. This recent holiday I had by myself, away from you, was one of the best times I've had of late. So, from now on, I won't be talking to you, or acknowledging you until you, hopefully, read this and reaslise what a horrible person you are to others around you. However, even if you do read this and apologise, I still don't know if I can forgive you.

Ciao,
Your repulsed sister

Sometime i just want to be in the psych hospital to rest for a few week. But i am scare of nobody is gotta visit me.

I want to Google my ex-therapist, but i am scare of being called a stalker.

He's officially replaced me.

I've been feeling guilty whenever I eat something and it's beginning to scare the shit out of me.

I have feelings for my best guy friend and I'm pretty sure he has them for me too. He teases and flirts with me almost everytime we're around each other. Too bad he's been dating some controlling bimbo for about 8 months :( What she doesn't know is that him and I have a class together next semester, so I plan to win him over!

I.No, im still not over you. Yes, it still hurts terribly, thanks for asking.

II.I dont care how annoying the bitch is, id marry lady gaga.

III.I LOVE the cold weather, so much in a way it kind of makes me feel stronger(mentally and phsyically) and a little better about myself.

i. I'm sick of promises. I should really have learned by now that they mean nothing. I think that's my next step to growing up further.

ii. The taste of coffee and empty feeling in my stomach is both a comfort and a worry. I have to fight this, but it is so much easier to jump on and go with it.

iii. I really think that no one really cares for my company anymore. Not enough over anything else. He is staying in bed, they are staying at home, my mom rushes off of the phone or ignores me for the nothingness that is going on around her.

iv. I'm probably going to fail at least one class this semester. I don't really care, as long as I get through it.

v. I really just want to work out all day, then shower, and read. But instead, I will be cleaning, baking, possibly doing homework, then babysitting my niece. I should be excited about that, too. I think my depression is coming back.

vi. It feels nice to be able to not have to watch my words here. Even with my therapist, I feel like certain things aren't worth the time to talk about.

vii. My heart is too heavy to lift. Even the strongest men have looked at it and walked away.

Just because I love being single doesn't mean I don't want some male attention now and again. Especially on a day like today when I look so damn cute :(

1. Whenever my boyfriend gets me upset with him over something while on the phone it's always during the midst of when I'm making a surprise for him, and it makes me feel rather worse staring at the fresh baked cookies or the hand wrapped presents.

2. I'm going to prove my father wrong.

3. Once couldn't sleep for 3 days straight.

4. Looking back I still can't believe I was Bulimic at 12. And then recovered myself months later. Haven't done it since.

Whenever I can't get ahold of my boyfriend, I'm afraid he's dead.

- I am attracted to females who are huge fans of Harry Potter,
which is strange, because I barely watch it, and I only read one of the books.

- I am convinced we all fall in love, slightly, with each person we meet who can make us smile. And that gives me such an unbelievable sense of joy, knowing that I have loved and have been loved, every single day.

- You FRUSTRATED ME. I was planning/am planning to go on MSN tomorrow or the next day, or the next, as you drained alot of my energy - I can't have that right now, I don't need that right now. Your negativity drains me, and I can't stand it :/.

( other random secrets )

1. I check once under all the beds when I'm home alone.

2. Before I go to the bathroom, I check to make sure no one's in the shower.

3. I only really feel "home" when I'm with my boyfriend, sitting criss-cross, looking in his eyes.

The people who mean the most to me never have time for me.
And sometimes I think that means they don't want to see me.
Maybe it's true.

I'm afraid I will never find someone that loves me the way I loved you.

Sometimes I'm a little scared that my online family cares for me and understands me more than my real family.

I told my mum about this worry in a subtle way, and she told me 'As long as you have support from somewhere it shouldn't matter what makes you happy'.

My mum understands me more than she lets on, and I love her for that.


_{Extra secret: My nana pisses me off in how she notices every little thing wrong with me and simply tells me to 'Stop it' rather than offer any sort of help (example: I have a habit of pulling my eyelashes out, she just tells me to stop it because my eyes look funny, not because she's worried about my mental health like my mum)}

I am scare that i will never be happy.
I hate myself for loving you.